Gods, that title makes no sense...Well, it does if you understand just how fucked up my mind really is. (Oh yeah, this is a cursing blog. Sorry. I've never believed that one's erudition is adversely affected by a conscious decision to use a word attached to some societal taboo.)
I've been plagued lately with ads from Christian Mingle. I feel like they are a literal plague on my life, as they tend to sicken me. It's the same with J-Date, Black People Meet (that's the name, right?), or any other dating site for people too cool to date outside their social sphere. Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's better. Man, if there were a 'Pagan writers-who-study-History-and-love-sports' site, I would never have met my significant other, the whiter-than-Tom-Cruise's-teeth, could-be-a-character-on-The-Big-Bang-Theory electrical engineer boyfriend. Did I mention he's also an atheist?
Anyway, this blog is delving far too deeply into my feelings toward exclusivity in one's social circle (which likely developed as a product of living in South East Mordor), so I'll move on to Beelzebub's.
Having been subjected to what felt like a constant stream of Christian Mingle ads, I took to the internet (like you do) and set about gathering a crack team of like-minded snarks to create my own version of Christian Mingle, tentatively called Pagan Pals. Or Pagan Match. We're not sure yet. I'm taking suggestions, of course.
So...Pagan Match! For the Godless Heathen in you! Come find the perfect Satan-Worshiping, baby-eating partner for you. Every wedding will be BYOG (Bring your own goat)!
This, of course, led to someone mentioning that there are several Pagans on Christian Mingle (which, of course, made me picture Torquemada creating an account to look for witches). Shock! HORROR! That Pagans are forced to mingle with the single-deitied! Do they steal the goats?! Master is very angry if we don't have goats for Him. Stealing the goats is bad.
Well, now we have the site! But...with all the goat-heavy wedding cuisine, we obviously need a catering organization! No. Wait. We need a restaurant! AN ALL GOAT WEDDING BUFFET for the Master-loving supplicants amongst us. So Beelzebub's was born.
What about the fly problem, you ask?
Don't worry. Pagans love spiders. We'll get them Pagans some spiders!
All of us are going to Hell for this. And all of this started because of one too many Christian Mingle ads.
See how ridiculous a writer's mind can be? And how amazing friends are?
This was a blog about nothing.
(BEELZEBUB'S GOAT BUFFET IS HELLACIOUSLY GOOD! COME VISIT US SOME TIME AT 666 PANDEMONIUM WAY, GAHENNA!)
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